The Things You Learn About Yourself
I have a prayer box. For 18 months my prayers went on little pieces of paper and into the box. It was a mailbox between God and myself. All those times I wrote or spoke, “you are in my prayers” the person and where they where in life went into the private conversations I had with God.
This morning my intention was to go through the prayers to serve as a reminder of God’s faithfulness. What happened instead was within these candid conversations I saw pieces of myself and a glimpse of how I am perceived. They were pieces that for some reason, unbeknown to me I hide. I did not realize the depth of love I feel for all the people in my life and the level of trust I had in God. Nor did I realize how blunt I was with the Holy of Holies. Case in point, a prayer dated July 2010: Russell needs your help making his heart function, so he can spend more days with his daughter.” (there is no sugar coating within that conversation)Thankfully, Russell will be attending his daughter’s wedding next year.
Prior to reading the prayers My resolutions were focused on growing my character. I thought I was less than what I should be. Too materialistic, too egoic and the list of too’s could continue. After I saw a balanced person. If we kept score the thanks surpassed the requests three to one. And, within the entire box, there was one type of prayer for myself. They were for character. At the end of a prayer where I sought growth in a relationship. It said, “if I don’t have enough trust, can I have some of yours?” ….yet another instance of leaving out the sugar coating.
My husband was surprised by many of the prayers. “You actually pray for the president!” was the funniest response. And there was the pensive response when he remember realized (that means it sunk in) that I prayed for him through his trials.
Now the point of this blog. I suggest,to you reader, to make something of this nature for yourself. Prior to this experience I thought one way about myself. It ended with me realizing that by comparing myself to all that I take in, I devalued my character. I’m not as smart as (fill in the blank) or I wish I could be as giving as…. and the list could go on forever. Do I want to grow more, give more, be more? Certainly? And, the answered prayers were mind boggling. Three, out of all those prayers, went back in the box because they were ongoing.
Most important, after going through this,I realized that should I meet my maker at the end of the day two things would resonate. That awkward and tender giggle that comes when you’ve been more honest than you meant to be. And the delight that comes when you have been accepted because of that honesty.