Before I tell the story I gotta give some background. Early in my marriage I returned home one evening to a very unhappy husband. He hardly ever is unhappy so when he’s upset we know it’s gotta be bad.
Anybody that has known us for any amount of time will remember Mr. B had quite the mullet. And, he made sure it looked good. This is what happened: Christopher used Mr. B’s expensive hairspray on a roach. Mr. B. was fit to be tied. All’s I could do was laugh. My son learned from the best-Mama does not kill anything that might go splat. Bug splat, crunch, whatever you want to call it, is gross. If there is a chemical that can get it done neater that is the route we’re taking. And that is how life had been. Before the scorpion.
It started as a normal go to the bathroom in the middle of the night scenario. You wake up, it’s dark and since it’s your house you don’t have to turn on the lights. You know the way to the bathroom. Shoot I’ve lived in this house so long I can get there with my eyes closed. Then I look over and see a shadow move on the toilet paper. Thinking it was a roach, or a cricket because the yard got sprayed I took the paper off the roller thing and was going to drop the pest in the toilet.
Hark, it was neither! It was a scorpion. Usually when I encounter these I cover them with a glass, get a paper to go underneath and set it free to die in my bug sprayed yard. Maybe it was the stupor, or maybe I hold toilet paper more sacred than even I realize because something in me snapped.
Zuess has his lightning, Xena Warrior Princess has her sword. Mrs. B. has the pink flip flop. Thanks to Wii baseball I can hit a fly out of the air with my pink flip flop. If I use a fly swatter, that’s an entirely different story, but the flip flop is my weapon of choice. Pink is best because any other color of flip flop is open territory in my house and I lose them.
But I digress, the scorpion the flip flop. A warrior yell screamed through my entire being and I hit that scorpion so hard it didn’t splat. The pincher and one of the legs flew several inches away from the arthropod carcass. Upon inspection I regretted that nobody would be able to witness how well I protected them.
It was then disposed of in the toilet, that I refused to use subsequently because I was afraid that sucker would come back up and try to bite me in the…well you get the point.